Wonderings of an Aimless Mind

Just had 2 shots of tequila... yumyum! I missed this life, man! How I wish I was back in Baguio drinking 'till dawn. No worries back then, no complications and definitely no heartaches. Life back then was simple... You just worry about when your allowance gonna come so you could do the same shit over and over again. Not that I never bothered about mah grades, I did. Just to show my parent's that I'm still the daughter they raised, hehehe!!!

Looking back, I do miss the good times then. Missed my friends and all the random people you get to meet along the way. The stories they tell and the experiences that go along with that kind of life. But, I grew up... No longer am I that carefree gal who at a point just coasted through life, content with the here and now. Now, all the things that we got to talk about during those long ago nights I have more or less experienced. The good and also the bad stuff.

But I would still like to think that life is good... You'd never the distinguish the good times if you still haven't experienced the bad times...right?

Feeling quite accomplished... Why? Hmmm, I was able to find a site where I could compile a list of music videos I liked and be able to play it here. Kinda late I guess, but at least I'll have more sounds to listen to and not just one song. Yun nga lang, medyo maka-pop ako tsaka may ads kaya sorry na lang kayo, hehehe. Eh blog ko ito noh! Sana lang, 'wag masyadong bumagal yung site.

It's almost 4am and I'm still here at the office... Lakas ng loob ko kasi naka-leave ako for a day. I got to play with mah "neopet", aliw!

At finally, nakita ko na si "brat"... hehehe! Na-miss na kasi kita bru eh. Take care lagi ha?

Haaaay, dami ko sanang gustong isulat dito, medyo inatake lang ako ng konting katamaran. Next time na lang siguro. Dami ko ng kwento. And take note, happy stories na yung mga yun! Saya!

Sana lang tuloy-tuloy na ito!

Sorry, talagang pessimistic lang akong tao eh.

***Alam ko, sobra na ito... Just saw the video and then there goes those damn stupid memories...again! I promised myself to finally let go. Can't stand this anymore. Can't let my whole life be ruined by just one person... It may take longer than I initially hoped but I'll definitely get there.

Left all the ygroups connected to your class 'coz I no longer belong. I was just a lurker anyways. I don't need the constant reminder of what I lost. I just hope, it's not gonna be an "issue" or if I'm lucky nobody would notice.

Why is it just so darn hard to forget you? Or to get angry at you? And, no I never wanted to be just friends. Remember what I told you before...? Never again... Sir.

GOODBYE.

Been a very baaaad girl today... Still feeling that bitchy vibe everytime I go to work... Still getting bothered with stuff I'm not supposed to have any business with. Like the girl who doesn't know how to color coordinate. Or that guy who thinks he's all that (but he's definitely not!). Yeah, I can be mean sometimes. I especially hate guys who crowds my space even though there's a whole lot of space somewhere!

Then today... I got a whooping 45 minute call! This customer even hums while waiting for the page to load!!! WTF?!!! I guess that was my payback for being mean to innocent people. Sucks to be me today...

Currently feeling so drained and HUNGRY! But since I'm on a diet, let's forget the being hungry part shall we?

To my dearest friend... I wish you all the best and stay HAPPY! Miss you so much... Hope to see you soon.

Since I can't organize my thoughts really well... Here's my version of a "halo-halo" post.

What is the meaning of "PERSONAL"?
Main Entry: 1per·son·al
Pronunciation: 'p&rs-n&l, 'p&r-s&n-&l
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Late Latin personalis, from Latin persona
1 : of, relating to, or affecting a person : PRIVATE, INDIVIDUAL
2 a : done in person without the intervention of another; also : proceeding from a single person b : carried on between individuals directly
3 : relating to the person or body
4 : relating to an individual or an individual's character, conduct, motives, or private affairs often in an offensive manner
5 a : being rational and self-conscious b : having the qualities of a person rather than a thing or abstraction
6 : of, relating to, or constituting personal property
7 : denoting grammatical person
(courtesy of www.webster.com)

***So why the heck do we still to ask for permission? Wala lang just wondering out loud...



Tell me: Do I go back to HR or do I stay here? Been stressing about my current job and everytime I'm feelin' this way I always think of switching jobs. Haaaay, I envy my friends who are still doing HR work. Maybe, I do need to polish that resume right away and send it to the beautiful Ms. Grace.



Why is it there are days that everything I see annoys me?



When I was interviewed for this job, I specifically said: I don't like sales... And so they sent me to this account. But now... So what do I do?



4 more days to go... Rest day ko na ulit. Haaaay, me and my very booooring life. Imagine, event na sa akin ang pagdating ng rest day ko. Yuck, corny ko na! Anyways, meron namang naka-schedule na board meeting for Okasyon kaya I need to get started with those proposals.



Saw the entourage of our client's October wedding at eto lang talaga ang naisip ko: "Hindi talaga ako pwedeng pumunta kasi andun din si R*****. I don't wanna answer the inevitable questions I'm gonna hear. Oh please...

Attention Lynn: Please don't ask me to go to that wedding. I just wanna avoid some very awkward moments.



To You:
How are you na po? Hope you're doing fine... Me? I'm good... I think. Just one question though... Did you ever ***** me?

Okasyon Marketing Meeting
08/19/2005, 6pm
Starbucks, Podium

Yup, I'm back with the group! My thoughts of "leaving" the group is now forgotten. Just needed a break from the "crap" that had been going around lately. Our (me and Ate Anna's) Baguio trip kinda helped. It made me focus again and made me remember our first and foremost goal. Thanks much to Lynn, Ate Anna and Ate Celle for making me remember again.

Anyways, since I'm back again on track I now need to make a LOT of future proposals, trade fairs, Christmas parties (thanks Case for starting this one) and that pilgrimage thingee. And if we're gonna get the Scribe Launch and that Christmas Party - Baguio we'll definitely be back (sana lang 'wag umulan noh)! Ang saya naman! Kaya no more time to feel sorry for myself.

Besides, ang sabi nga ni Amber and Case eh "blooming" ako ngayon. Hehehe!!! Tsaka I have a feeling I'm (slowly but surely) loosing weight - would just need to work hard regarding this matter. Sarap kasing kumain eh! Pero promise, I'm going back to my "diet". No more 2am raids of the fridge for me.

Bakit Pa Ba
by Jay R

Nagpapaalam ka dahil nasaktan kita
Noo'y 'di makitang mali ako
Ngayo'y alam ko na, sayo'y nagkasala
Sana muli ako'y mapatawad pa

Araw-araw kang lumuluha, sa akin ay nagmamakaawa
Noo'y 'di narinig pagsamo mo

Bakit pa ba nagawa
Nasaktan ko ang isang tulad mo na labis na nagmamahal
'Di napansin na walang katulad ang alay na pag-ibig mo sa akin
Ako sana muli ay patawarin

Kaytagal akong bulag sa katulad mo
Gayong wagas yaring pag-ibig mo
Iniwan pa kita (iniwan pa kita), laging nag-iisa
Bakit pa nagawa ito sa 'yo



Hmmm, kailan ko kaya maririnig ang kantang ito galing sa iyo? Yup, you're right minsan nangangarap pa rin ako na sana... Pero alam ko naman na malabong mangyari yun. I'm just having a hard time letting you go. Bakit kaya? Ikaw, nakalimutan mo na kaya ako? Sa tingin ko, nakalimutan mo na nga ako... Ang sakit pa rin eh.



Stumbled upon this blog and it actually made me remember you - again. It also reminded me that I am not the only one going through this whole mess. That blog is the reason why I broke my promise not to write about you in this space ever again (I actually created a whole new blog devoted to my gripes about you - pathetic!). Browsed through her entries and it made me think na "bakit kaya ang hirap ninyong kalimutan?".



*side-comment lang po*
Does violet and mint green go together? Wala lang, nakita ko kasi yung combination na yun when I took my last break... Yeah I know, I'm waaaaay baaaaad!



*pahabol tungkol sa blog na ito*
Was able to "find out" the guy she was talking about... Really felt sad 'coz I kinda (saw him once - not that he knows me - I know somebody who knows him) know the guy. Akala ko pa naman matino sya, hindi pala. Totoo nga ba talaga yung sinabi ng seatmate ko dito sa office: mabilis naman talagang maloko ang mga babae? Ang sad ko tuloy ngayon kasi parang hindi ko na mapaniwalaan yung mga nasabi ni A sa akin dati. Baka lahat ng mga pinaniwalaan ko dati wala naman talagang katotohanan... Ang lungkot naman 'pag ganun nga talaga.



Pakshet naman... 3 months na nga ang nakalipas pero parang wala pa ring pagbabago. Parang hindi ko pa rin sya makalimutan. Akala ko kayang-kaya ko ito... Hindi pala, mali na naman ang akala ko. Ano ba kasi ang meron yung taong yun at hanggang ngayon... Aha bahala na. Darating din siguro ang panahon na masasabi ko na talaga ang linyang: I'm over him!



I'm looking for the REAL closure of our relationship. Will I ever find the closure I am looking for? 'Coz I definitely don't wanna go on like this... Just drifting along mah so-called life. I wanna let go... Please tell me how.



{09 May 2005}

Alone once again
A lonely face amongst blank faces
Aimlessly wandering in a sea of broken dreams
Trying to pick up the pieces of my so-called life
Longing to be whole again



Okay na... tama na nga ito. Pagod na ako eh.