Wonderings of an Aimless Mind

This is something that I wrote a couple of days ago, February 19 to be exact...

I sound like a broken record and somebody who cannot follow through on her promises but I just really need to let this out or I'm gonna break down - BIG TIME! I feel like I am the BIGGEST loser in the entire galaxy right now. I cannot seem to do anything right. I am always being pulled back by whatever it is that is pulling me back and I can't seem to get away from it. (Note to self: This kinda applies to both my personal and professional life now.) And as I do whenever I am in a jam I usually fantasize that I am just going to bail out and walk out on the problem falsely thinking that it will be alright in the end. I know that is really a bad attitude to take but that is me and I try to live with that weakness of mine. So Can i Go Now? Yeah, just like that song... I really just wanna go and leave all these shitty things behind me, to be forever forgotten. Well, not really forget about it 'coz I will definitely remember what I will not be doing again! So what is that?! A rainbow at the end of the storm? LOL!!!

BUT after all that venting out (and a bit of crying), I know that I will not just give up that easily this time around. I will fight until the end and will see all these through and I know that I will come out on top... Maybe not in very good condition, but I will still win. So what will I do? I'll start with all the case summaries that i have to finish. I think currently I have more than 15 case summaries to finish!!! But I will exert best efforts to finish all of them by Monday shift next week. Argh! Pressure!!! Then I will finish all the clearances by Friday so I could send the lot of them by Saturday this week. I would also rollout those 2 new policies to all trainers starting Friday's shift so I would be able to pace myself but still meet the deadline, which was set on Wednesday next week. Next in line would be the training of the folks at the office so all would know what is expected from them starting from that time. Another thing that I have to finish is the audit of all files encoded, which is a lot!!! Hmmm, I think around 5 long brown envelopes full!!! Finally, I have to focus on all those notices that needs to be sent out. That needs to be closed next week as well. There you go... what the rest of this month will look for me. Hopefully, I get to sleep and rest in between.

So to you... Will you please just be around because I need you right now. I need the high that you give to me. So my answer to your question is... YES.

And Now, here's what I think... Well, actually a song is more appropriate...


Call Me When You're Sober


Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Should I let you fall?
Lose it all?
So maybe you can remember yourself.
Can't keep believing,
We're only deceiving ourselves .
And I'm sick of the lie,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

Couldn't take the blame.
Sick with shame.
Must be exhausting to lose your own game.
Selfishly hated,
No wonder you're jaded.
You can't play the victim this time,
And you're too late.

Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.

You never call me when you're sober.
You only want it cause it's over,
It's over.

How could I have burned paradise?
How could I - you were never mine.

So don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
Don't lie to me,
Just get your things.
I've made up your mind.


Are you coming or going, please make up your mind now or I'm gonna give up. I again have an internal deadline and I think you know when that would be. Just 3 more days and the game will finally be over. The ball is now in your court...