Wonderings of an Aimless Mind
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
NEARLY OVER
I don't know how long I can keep up with this kind of lifestyle. I'm near the point of giving up and just walking away from all these hang-ups and issues... Ain't life grand, one problem after another. It's like a bottomless pit and it looks like there's nowhere to go but DOWN!
I'm surviving on an average of 3 hours of sleep per day during my work week (at least I get to sleep on my restdays, 14 hour sleep po ito, bawi naman 'di ba?), insomniac na po ulit ako - back to the same old habit. An average of 8 sticks (yeah, I'm talking about the marlboro menthol kind) a day. At least an hour of staring into nothingness (pwede po ito, subukan nyo). At least 30 minutes of daydreaming about what could or should have been. 2 to 3 C2's per work day. One meal with rice a day (hmmm, still struggling to keep up with this kind of diet!). Hoping for at least text message per day - dream on girl!!!
Anyways, I know I'm pathetic. No need to tell it to my face, okay? I just need to move on and move out of this phase of my life. The only problem is HOW THE HELL DO I ACCOMPLISH THAT? As I've said over and over again... I'm tired! Sooooo tired, the kind that seeps into your bones and permeates your mind so that in the end you just can't do anything about it. But then again, I also know that I'm not that helpless. I would just need to face what my life is and accept the fact that I can't go on as before 'coz everything has changed. I'm just so lazy to take charge of my life right now... So in the meantime, I'm just letting myself be blown away by whatever is happening around me and then later when I finally get the energy and the will to change my fate - I will take charge of my life again. Like the ways I always do ('coz it's only I who can save me, right?).
I'm surviving on an average of 3 hours of sleep per day during my work week (at least I get to sleep on my restdays, 14 hour sleep po ito, bawi naman 'di ba?), insomniac na po ulit ako - back to the same old habit. An average of 8 sticks (yeah, I'm talking about the marlboro menthol kind) a day. At least an hour of staring into nothingness (pwede po ito, subukan nyo). At least 30 minutes of daydreaming about what could or should have been. 2 to 3 C2's per work day. One meal with rice a day (hmmm, still struggling to keep up with this kind of diet!). Hoping for at least text message per day - dream on girl!!!
Anyways, I know I'm pathetic. No need to tell it to my face, okay? I just need to move on and move out of this phase of my life. The only problem is HOW THE HELL DO I ACCOMPLISH THAT? As I've said over and over again... I'm tired! Sooooo tired, the kind that seeps into your bones and permeates your mind so that in the end you just can't do anything about it. But then again, I also know that I'm not that helpless. I would just need to face what my life is and accept the fact that I can't go on as before 'coz everything has changed. I'm just so lazy to take charge of my life right now... So in the meantime, I'm just letting myself be blown away by whatever is happening around me and then later when I finally get the energy and the will to change my fate - I will take charge of my life again. Like the ways I always do ('coz it's only I who can save me, right?).
lizzieloves, 3:15:00 AM
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a collection of random thoughts, gathered from past and present experiences...
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