Wonderings of an Aimless Mind
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Going nuts!
I'm getting old...And I definitely do not like the feeling! I feel like I've been walking for so long now but still haven't been anywhere. Seems like I'm just walking around in circles, never knowing when I would finally find the correct path...
These are the things I am sure of... right at this moment:
1. I wanna have a career in Human Resource - so no matter what happens, I'll definitely be looking for a job in HR even if it means I would be starting from scratch (again!).
2. I love Arbern - I just don't know when I wanted to get married (maybe after a 2 years?)
3. I want to study again - a masteral's degree in industrial psychology perhaps?
4. I need to learn how to save - 'nuff said!
5. I love Baguio - obvious ba?
6. I love happy endings but is a cynic at heart - pwede ba ito?
7. I do get jealous - I just deny that part of me all the time!
8. I love to eat and sleep - need I say more?
9. I hate horror movies and stories - I never could sleep after watching or hearing one
10. I'm not good in expressing my feelings - just read this blog, my thoughts are all over the place! I would need to work on organizing my thoughts before putting it down in writing.
...to be continued.
These are the things I am sure of... right at this moment:
1. I wanna have a career in Human Resource - so no matter what happens, I'll definitely be looking for a job in HR even if it means I would be starting from scratch (again!).
2. I love Arbern - I just don't know when I wanted to get married (maybe after a 2 years?)
3. I want to study again - a masteral's degree in industrial psychology perhaps?
4. I need to learn how to save - 'nuff said!
5. I love Baguio - obvious ba?
6. I love happy endings but is a cynic at heart - pwede ba ito?
7. I do get jealous - I just deny that part of me all the time!
8. I love to eat and sleep - need I say more?
9. I hate horror movies and stories - I never could sleep after watching or hearing one
10. I'm not good in expressing my feelings - just read this blog, my thoughts are all over the place! I would need to work on organizing my thoughts before putting it down in writing.
...to be continued.
lizzieloves, 2:07:00 AM
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Sunday, October 24, 2004
My Aura?!
lizzieloves, 7:22:00 AM
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What Now?
It has been a week and a day since I have last posted on this space... Maybe I'm running out of things to say or my mind is so cluttered at this moment I can't even formulate a single coherent thought.
I submitted my IJAF yesterday, I'm still not certain if I would qualify for that position. Oh well, whatever! I still haven't made up my mind over that matter anyway.
Another thing that has been going round and round on my mind is my upcoming birthday... Why? 'COZ I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!! I'm really getting alarmed about this indecisiveness I am feeling 'coz I'll be 25 years old and I'm still lost... lost as a newborn babe. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating but believe me that's a really close estimation. What to do? What to do? I DON'T KNOW!!! I still have about 3 days to figure that out... I believe in miracles so maybe, just maybe, a miracle would happen before my birthday.
I submitted my IJAF yesterday, I'm still not certain if I would qualify for that position. Oh well, whatever! I still haven't made up my mind over that matter anyway.
Another thing that has been going round and round on my mind is my upcoming birthday... Why? 'COZ I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!!! I'm really getting alarmed about this indecisiveness I am feeling 'coz I'll be 25 years old and I'm still lost... lost as a newborn babe. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating but believe me that's a really close estimation. What to do? What to do? I DON'T KNOW!!! I still have about 3 days to figure that out... I believe in miracles so maybe, just maybe, a miracle would happen before my birthday.
lizzieloves, 6:39:00 AM
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Sunday, October 17, 2004
Trip lang po... courtesy of phunatik
Instructions:
1. Copy the list to your blog.
2. Bolden the things that hold true for you
3. Unbolded things are false.
01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe and free of cost.
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look a lot of the time
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I'm obsessed with DeviantArt
58. I don't hate anyone
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I have never been to a big concert
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper/nappy before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 7 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before <--alcohol lang
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on my blog
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or friend
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
99. I'm happy as of this moment
100. I need to get laid
***currently missing the BB in friendster.com.
1. Copy the list to your blog.
2. Bolden the things that hold true for you
3. Unbolded things are false.
01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I'm really, really smart
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe and free of cost.
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/nails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look a lot of the time
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to do cornrows
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
52. I practically live in PJ pants
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I'm obsessed with DeviantArt
58. I don't hate anyone
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
60. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I have never been to a big concert
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper/nappy before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 7 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before <--alcohol lang
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on my blog
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or friend
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friends
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex
99. I'm happy as of this moment
100. I need to get laid
***currently missing the BB in friendster.com.
lizzieloves, 12:21:00 AM
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Friday, October 15, 2004
Huh?!!!
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who lovesthem. Loves to takes things at the center. Innerand physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend.Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly.Always making friends. Easily hurt but recoverseasily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care ofwhat others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strongclairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts andliterature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned.Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift.Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loveschildren.
ps. got this piece from the Tedaks & Civies board.
I wonder if this is indeed true...
ps. got this piece from the Tedaks & Civies board.
I wonder if this is indeed true...
lizzieloves, 9:29:00 PM
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Broken
"Broken"
by Seether
by Seether
i wanted you to know i love the way you laugh
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
i keep your photograph i know it serves me well
i wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'cause i'm broken when i'm open
and i don't feel like i am strong enough
'cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome
and i don't feel light when you're gone away
the worst is over now and we can breathe again
i wanna hold u high and steal your pain
there's so much left to learn & no one left to fight i wanna hold u high & steal ur pain
'cause im broken when im open
and i dont feel like i am strong enough 'cause im broken when im lonesome
and i dont feel right when you're gone away 'cause im broken when im open
and i dont feel like i am strong enough
'cause im broken when im lonesome
and i dont feel light when you're gone away
Another song to add to my list of fave songs... and I just realized this fact this morning! I never did like the feeling that this song is invokes in me but then again I usually feel this way...
lizzieloves, 6:16:00 AM
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Forgetting
For a moment I thought I could forget you. For a moment I thought I could still
the restlessness in my heart. I thought the past could no longer haunt me nor
hurt me. How wrong I was? For the past no matter how distant is much a part of
me as life itself and you are part of that life. You are so much a part of me:
of my dreams, my early hopes, my youth and my ambitions that in all my dreams I
kept remembering you. Yes, I came. And would my pride mock my real feelings?
Would the love songs, the sweet and lovely smile in your face be lost among the
depending shadows?
I have wanted to be alone. I thought I could make
myself forget you in silence and in songs and yet I remembered for who could
forget the memory of the once lovely, the once beautiful, the once happy world
such as ours. I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting
to be sung. I cannot sing it without you. The songs when sung alone will lose
the essence of its tune because you and I have been one. I have wanted this
misery to end because it is part of my restlessness. Can't you divine the depth
and the tenderness of my feelings towards you? Yes, can't you see how I suffer
in this even darkness without you? You went away because you mistook my silence
for indifference. But silence my dear is the language of my heart. How could I
essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks a more eloquent tone. But
perhaps you didn't understand. Remember I came because the gnawing loneliness is
there and will be lost until the music is sung...until the poem is heard...until
you come to me again. For you alone can blend music and memory into one
consuming ecstasy. You alone.
p.s. got this piece from the Tedaks & Civies board
It's not that I am trying to forget someone but I must not forget that forgetting is a way of life. The task of forgetting someone is definitely not a pleasant task but it is inevitable in our existance.
lizzieloves, 7:29:00 AM
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Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Letting Go...
My song for the moment: The Art Of Letting Go
Why? This happened a long time ago, but it is just now that I've let go. This is about a very close friend of mine... I don't wanna go through the whole story right now but I still remember what happened as if it happened only yesterday... Here is the last letter I wrote to her, seems like I actually saved it in one oy emails. I also read her last email to me and to be honest, it still hurts like hell.
Put away the pictures. Put away the memories. I put over and over Through my
tears I've held them till I'm blind They kept my hope alive As if somehow that
I'd keep you here Once you believed in a love forever more? How do you leave it
in a drawer? Now here it comes, the hardest part of all Unchain my heart that's
holding on How do I start to live my life alone? Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go. Try to say it's over Say the word goodbye. But
each time it catches in my throat Your still here in me And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on How do I start to live my life alone? Guess
I'm just learning, Learning the art of letting go Watching us fade What can I
do? But try to make it through the pain of one more day Without you Where do I
start, to live my life alone? I guess I'm learning, only learning, Learning the
art of letting go.
Why? This happened a long time ago, but it is just now that I've let go. This is about a very close friend of mine... I don't wanna go through the whole story right now but I still remember what happened as if it happened only yesterday... Here is the last letter I wrote to her, seems like I actually saved it in one oy emails. I also read her last email to me and to be honest, it still hurts like hell.
i dont know what to say... i thought i knew what to say and how
to react, but now i dont know anymore. i dont know if i should defend myself or if
i should even try when you've already passed judgment on me. all i know is that
i'm wrong and i'm sorry. but maybe sorry is not enough to straighten the mess
i've done. i woudnt pretend that i know how you feel, because i dont. i
just understand why you feel that way about me. as for myself, i dont know what i feel other than i'm sorry for hurting you like this. i dont know if i should
confront this or just try to run away from it. i was never good in solving my
problems. i just pretend that it will eventually go away. but i know that this is
something that i will never forget or run away from. but since i dont know what
to do right now, i'm just gonna let it be. i also wanna say thank you for being
very honest with me. the things you've said to me were harsh, but that is what
you feel. thats the way you see me and i cant change that. what i've done cannot
be undone. it has already passed and i cannot change any of that. i may want to go back in time and try to undo some of the things i've done, but we both know that
is not possible. i dont know if i should defend or explain my choices in life to
you or to other people. i know thatmy life is not something to be proud of. i'm
very much aware of my mistakes and all the things that made me less of a person
to you and to other people. i will not take you up in your dare because, i
know that you, yourself know your own mistakes. besides, its not my place to place judgment on you. what you do with your life is yourbusiness. as you've said so yourself, you're the only one who knows how it feels because you were the one
who's experiencing it. sorry if you saw my unwanted thoughts and advice as my
means of bursting your bubble. now i know, what i should have done before. but i
guess its too late for that, its over and done with.i know that this "thing" has
put rosario in the middle...please tell her that i dont have anything against
her. after all she's just the bearer of the news.
lizzieloves, 12:20:00 AM
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Monday, October 04, 2004
Some Thoughts
Okay, so I'm missing Arbern so much again (so what's new in Lizzie's land?). He went back to his post again last Sept. 29 and I'm beginning to hate airports. As much as I don't wanna say the phrase "goodbye, 'tll we meet again baby", I have to. It's not as if I could do something about his job so I might as well try to accept the fact that we would always have that "hello, goodbye" scene. I admit that until now I still can't (or wont) accept that part of our relationship. I always say that I was never the possesive kind of gal but why am I always wishing for him not to go...? Will I ever grasp the concept of him leaving me for his job? Could I still manage to hold on?
Too many questions left unanswered, when would I find the answers? Soon (I hope).
Too many questions left unanswered, when would I find the answers? Soon (I hope).
lizzieloves, 6:26:00 PM
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