Wonderings of an Aimless Mind

I'm back (and hopefully for long)... The past three days had been quite hectic and toxic for me! I was not able to post anything other than that song that has been "bugging" me for almost two weeks now. I even got the ringing tone of THAT song on my phone, talked about being obsessed! It really sounded like a lullaby to me... which I think is not consistent with the message of the song. Yeah, I've already analyzed the contents of the THE song, hehehe! Anyways, like all things in life, this to will pass. I'll eventually get over my obsession and then move to another obsession. At least, I have something else to think about other than the (almost) constant obsession of my life...

So what the heck is THAT other obsession of mine? I'll give you three guesses...Food? Wrong, try again. Sleep? I guess, but not quite. Arbern? Bullseye! Maybe others would raise their eyebrows if they hear this. They would probably say, "You do not seem the type to obsess about a boy'. I may seem to have a strong personality, you know, the type who's always in control with her feelings and emotions? Well, I'll tell you this right now. I just look like I am in control with my feelings and emotions, but in truth it is actually just the facade I assume with people. I learned early on that if other people know your weak spot, they would just exploit that for their own advantage and I definitely do not want that to happen! So everyday I wear a mask, to show people that I am not the kind of person who relies on her emotions to get by in life.

(Hmmm, I seem to have gotten of track here...Let's go back to the topic at hand then.)

Arbern! The root cause of why I REALLY started this journal. So blame him if I actually show my real "personality" here! I know, it's not right to have a person rule over one's emotion but I've long accepted the fact that he's one of my weakness. Kinda pathetic, right? The only good thing there is that I have accepted the fact and is now trying to live with it. One could probably say that, I'm trying to make it look that I was not given any choice here when in fact, it was a choice that I made in the beginning of the relationship. Right now, I would refute that idea but in the back of my mind (where my mind still has control over things), I know that the argument could be valid. But I won't go to that right now, I still have to pour out my feelings regarding this obsession of mine... Actually, I'm kinda hoping that by the end of this entry, my obsession would lessen and I would at least get a good night sleep!

I met him when I was still in college. At times I think, what if I did not go with KJ and the rest of my friends to PMA, would I still be in this situation? Maybe or maybe not. I am still not sure about my position regarding "destiny matters" so I'll just let it be... I went to that academy then met the most unlikely person I would ever think I would fall in love with (did I make sense?). At first, I was still kidding myself that this "one" would not last because the set-up is the same as with my past relationships that failed - long-distance! What I did not count on before is the fact that this "one" is different from the rest. Different, in the sense that he was the only guy that made me realize that THAT kind love do exist and it is possible to fall in love without even realizing it. I just woke up one day thinking that I'm in love with HIM! oh my gosh! How and when did it happen? My friends never for one second believed that we would last this long (four years and counting...). Even his friends thought that I was just a passing fancy to him, a challenge because of our differences. What they did not see then is that time would eventually blur this differences then make it as is if we are merely complementing each other's personality. Funny is not?!